(Pretend it’s still Sunday by the way cause it’s 12:00 and when you see this it’s Monday but yeah!) It’s been 11 days since my last post! I’ve either been busy or staying up late or doing other things. Today hasn’t been the best I would say. I feel like i’m falling back into depression or like i’m in a weird mood. Life is not always roses in the garden. I made this to help others and encourage them but today I feel like I need to be extra real with people right now especially in this time. It doesn’t help that I have been struggling with my sleep schedule. Today I hit snoozed on my alarm like 3 different times before I actually got up. I feel like it has been a struggle to get up and find motivation. The other night I started highlighting more of my favorite verses in my bible that I got like a month ago. It has room to take notes and such but I have found some inspiration from bible art on Pinterest. With that being said I have started to draw in my bible so here are some pictures of mine.
Along with my messed up sleep schedule and “laziness” I have felt so emotionally drained. Even with staying connected on zoom with my school counselor and youth group and doing therapy once a week I still feel an emptiness. I mean grief doesn’t happen for a little bit and then go away. It can be a long process but also you have those days where you are doing pretty good and other days you can’t do anything. This has been such an emotional roller coaster not only for me but others as well. One verse that I have been trying to reflect and meditate on is 2 kings 20:5 it says “Turn back, and say to Hezekiah the prince of my people, Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold, I will heal you; on the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD.”
There has been many times where I go to pray and I’m just speechless or overwhelmed and I will just cry. Tears are also prayers to God when we are at a lost for words. If we just give everything to Jesus we will feel so much better. Whatever you are worried about or stressed about just let go and let God take care of it. One verse that comes to mind is Jeremiah 32:27 “Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too hard for me?” There are other verses that say similar things. Nothing is too big or to small for God to not handle. He can take care of anything. Not only does he guide us in the right path but he is there to walk with us on our path.
Closing questions: what personal weaknesses can you let go of and have God take over? What are the greatest needs that you see in your everyday life? What are the things that are dominating your attention and thoughts today?
I wanted to give this the title of Wacky Wednesday because it was a rough and crazy day! My day seemed to be all over the place. I got so stressed out that after one of my meetings I took a hot shower to relax me. I felt so much better when I got out. I even had extra time to chill before my Wednesday small group meeting. It was so nice to meet, on zoom of course. I feel like sometimes I get wrapped up in a lot of things and each week on Wednesday I can really take some time to chill and relax and just hangout with others. Like normal we started with happy’s and crappy’s and each person went. Then when we were done the one youth group leader said to think of one thing that is our most prized possession and she wanted us to go get it so then we could also do show and tell. I chose a picture and around the picture there was a letter to me. You can say that my most prized possessions are relationships with others and the memories with them. After we all shared we jumped into the bible and it was so smooth! We read Matthew 13:44 – 50. We mostly reflected on verses 44 – 46. The kingdom of heaven is like our most prized possession. The kingdom of heaven is super valuable and God’s love is worth so much, but we get his love for free. Verse 46 is so good because it talks about how far would we go or what would we do for our prized possession. I think we can all relate to this verses. We all have something that means the world to us. But how far would you go to get it back if it was taken away?
For starters I have 1 month and like a week until the last day of school. In this case it’s e-learning. Recently I have been up late. Like I won’t sleep till like 3 am because i’m not tired or I can’t sleep. I think part of the reason is because I’ve been trying to reflect on Jesus and what he went through for us. A song I have been listening to a lot recently is How can it be by Lauren Daigle. I highly recommend this song I love it. Also i’ve been listening to 2 of her albums. The first one is How can it be and the second one is her look up child album. When I listen to the song how can it be I think of things that corona has taken away from me. How can it be that weeks ago everything was fine and then it seemed like all the sudden everything got shut down, postponed, and cancelled. Also if I would have known that March 13 was gonna be our last day for the year I would have hugged my friends, told my teachers goodbye, said goodbye to my kids and hug them one last time, and have good conversations one last time. Also a side note I left some things in my locker but the school is trying to figure that out for us because we also need to turn in iPads. On a more positive note I have been keeping myself busy by coloring, getting on zoom for meetings, playing the wii, studying different things, trying new things, and staying connected to friends. I’m determined to have a whole folder filled with coloring pages and drawings by the end if this quarantine.
My heart has also been very heavy throughout this quarantine. For the seniors who probably won’t have a graduation and prom was cancelled. Many of my friends and people close to me have been struggling a lot too. Even though we have been home for like 3 weeks no one is adapted. It is a big change and adjustment and it can be very overwhelming and confusing. I’ve never seen them this broken and lonely. I just wish I can be with them physically and hug them. I really do miss my friends and some days are easier than others. Some days I just want to grieve and be sad. Other days I can work super hard and get a lot done.
Final remarks: What things have you been doing to keep yourself busy? Do you have someone to check in with? Can you be a person that others can check in with you? What are some goals that you have?
A little recap of whats been happening. On Sunday I cleaned my room and tried to organize myself in the best way possible. I then remembered that I had an old bulletin board and I cleaned it up and painted geometric shapes on it so it isn’t so plain. I decided I wanted to make it like a motivational board to encourage me in these hard times of isolation. I decided to print the 4 college logos that I’m interested in and as I was doing that I took a online campus visit and looked at the different colleges. Once this is over I’m still gonna go actually visit to see about the feel cause you can look all you want but it’s different when you actually go and visit. I also printed out some quotes and personal pictures of encouragement. So that’s been my project for this week and I’m still finding things that I can put on it. Yesterday I spent 2 hours outside and it was super nice outside. I got on zoom with my school counselor and a few other people and we talked about how we felt about the rest of the school year being cancelled and what things we did to stay busy over break. Then after that I joined my youth group on zoom. I ended being outside for at least 2 hours and I wasn’t burnt or anything. Today looked very similar except i just had my youth group today. I was outside for an hour and a half and I feel a little bit tan. Other than working on that I have started my bible journaling. I also have started a bible notebook too. I put any extra notes I take in there and I also put encouraging things in it. I also had to make a trip to my work so I could pick up a few things. As I was driving to my work I noticed that there was a lot of traffic even though we are supposed to be on lockdown. It seemed like many of the bad drivers were out. I almost got hit twice because people just cut me off. Also I realized that it is only Tuesday. It feels like a Wednesday or Thursday.
I’m keeping this post really short but just an update. My afternoon started with a zoom call with my youth group and we did some scripture and talked about the saint of the day. Today the leaders decided to pick one. We also worked on a synchronized dance to submit to project YM live for this Sunday so maybe we can get featured. Once I got off of the zoom call I went out to the living room and I noticed my mom was on the couch and was watching the Governor speak. She proceeded to tell me that he just said that school was cancelled for the rest of the year I started crying so hard and then she told me April fools. I didn’t think it was funny one bit. If school was actually cancelled for the rest of the year I would probably regret how I didn’t end it on a good note. I was stressed out all the time pretty much and I would get so overwhelmed. There were quite a few times where I would tear up or possibly cry because it seemed like too much. Also on the flip side I had and made so many good memories. Throughout the year I had many laughs, tears, wins, and losses. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have learned a lot this school year. I grew deeper relationships and learned a lot about myself. I don’t remember when it happened but one time when I went to church I opened my bible to a random page and picked a verse and it ended being John chapter 14 verse 16. ”And I will pray the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, to be with you for ever.” I started to tear up when I read this verse. I was lucky enough to be blessed with an amazing school counselor and she has been there for me whenever I have needed her or needed some encouragement. Much love goes out to you if you are reading this! Every time I read that verse I think of all of the people that have been there for me and have supported me through everything. Honestly maybe I should get that as a tattoo.
Final thoughts: Who is your counselor? Who got put in your life for a specific reason? Who supports you the most or who can you go to when you need someone the most?
It has been a little bit less than 3 weeks since we have been in school. It took me a few days to process what was happening and what was going to happen. Recently reality has been setting in for me. Knowing that my winter guard season was cut short, prom is cancelled, no school for almost two months, and I can’t see my friends or go out anywhere except go on walks. My youth group meetings have to be online, the retreat I was looking forward to is postponed hopefully not cancelled, I don’t know what will happen. Most of all my therapy got moved to online, so I kinda don’t have that space but, at the same time I do. All of these events and things got taken away super fast or got cut to soon. I’ve been feeling on edge and upset recently. There have been many times I have been upset and a mentor of mine always told me to take five minutes to be upset, frustrated, sad, etc… Because why have something so small ruin your whole day. But lately I have been trying to do that but this is a different type of upset. It’s almost like a relapse of depression. I have came to the conclusion that I just need a day to grieve. A day that I can just sit and collect my thoughts and process all of this. It’s like I had all these things and then they got taken away. Here is an analogy it’s like a little kid who has a lot of toys, and one day they wake up and all of their toys are gone. The child won’t take just five minutes to cry or do whatever. They will be upset the whole day and grieve and wonder what happened. That is kinda how I am feeling at the moment with everything that has happened and is happening.
Yesterday I was reflecting on some notes I took when I was watching a live stream. It was kinda like a bible study. It was in Ezekiel chapter 37 verses 12 to 14. It states ”Behold, I will open your graves, and raise you from your graves.” There is more to that verse to but I think you kinda get the point. Like Lazarus and what happened to him. He was dead for 4 days! He was made new and he had the biggest healing ever. We can take some good points from this like even though we are in quarantine and we are devastated, we will be healed. Our testimonies will be a promise for later. It will be a transformation for us!
Some final thoughts that I want to leave you with. In what ways do you see God working in your life? In what ways has God healed you or others? How has God blessed you recently?
There have been many times where verses have stuck out to me and I’m sure that this has happened to you too! So there is two verses that I want to reflect on today. They honestly go together really well also. The first one is from John chapter 11 verse 35. It is the shortest verse in the whole bible and it says Jesus wept. If you know It’s the story where Lazarus was dead for 4 days and Martha said to Jesus if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. Jesus later says I am the resurrection and the life. When Jesus saw her weeping he also started weeping. The second verse I want to look at is Romans chapter 8 verse 28. It says ”We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.” I have really been reflecting on this verse specifically because even in the mist of everything God is working for the good. Like come to think about it now there isn’t as many distractions and also we have gotten more time to spend with family and just time to relax and to recharge. There have been many times before where I felt like this wasn’t true at all but in reality it is. So if we look at these 2 verses put together we can interrupt it like this It hurts God to see us suffering and he weeps with us, but its also for the good. he always brings out the good in every situation. Sometimes we just have to struggle a little bit. No matter what we always come out of the situation stronger then before. I think we really just need to love Jesus more no matter what and he made promises to us and he always keeps those promises.
Final thoughts I have. In what ways can you trust in God more? What situations has God pulled you out of or made it work out for the better? In what ways has God blessed you?
It is Friday finally! Normally I would be excited cause then I have the weekend to chill but today starts spring break, so no school to do next week. This year’s spring break is different because we are quarantined and we are on lockdown so we can’t go anywhere. It doesn’t feel like spring break at all. These past few days have been extra hard because reality is kicking in that I can’t go anywhere or see anyone. Instead of making a schedule of how my day should go I have just been getting up at like 11 or 11:30 am. I get up just in time to get ready and join my zoom meetings that I have been doing. I have been trying to stay involved with as much as I can even though we are in quarantine. Some things that I have been doing to stay busy is journaling, doing art, daily youth group on zoom, counselor meetings with my high school counselor and others on zoom, sleeping, playing the wii, and playing with my pets. Also a big thing that I have into is watching live streams and talks. Some of my favorite speakers are Father Mike Schmitz, Kati Morton, and most of all Meg Hunter Kilmer. They are all super great and have talked about many things. I have learned so many things about myself and the Catholic faith from Father Mike Schmitz and Meg Hunter Kilmer. They are both super wise and have a lot to say about a lot of different topics.
Recently when I have been doing my God time I pick a random book, chapter, and verse. I have been trying to find the message behind it and write about it in a way so that if I do a live stream or something I can spread it to others. I want to be able to read the bible and spread the message that God is trying to tell us. Maybe one day I can even start a bible study. I want to be an inspiration to others. So I challenge you, when you go to read your bible instead of going to a certain book just pick one by random and try to read a chapter and some of the verses. Try and journal what you are feeling and what do you think the message is behind the verses.
A first post can be very nerve racking whether it’s for a blog or other social media. Once you take the first step it can lead you to many places. I’m here to tell you it’s okay and it will be okay. If something is meant to be then it will all work out. I have been wanting to start a blog for a while now and it has always been something that I had on my heart and mind. Recently that desire has been more prominent. I decided to follow and and see where this leads me and takes me. Especially since I have a lot more time on my hands now. It took me a little bit of time to just arrange this blog to be the way I wanted it to be. I have many ideas and topics for my blog but if you have ideas you can send them my way and contact me. Anyways let’s go back to the blog. I hope that this reaches a lot of people because it might just be what they need. I’ve always been told by many that I am super good with words and writing. It gives me a chance to reflect and to express myself in the best way possible. I am a perfectionist when it comes to writing. I want to make sure that it is good and make it the way I want it to. Given the situation that we are in I hope to journal, blog, and reflect more. I hope to get to know myself better and maybe even figure out the type of person I wanna be. This will be a hard journey but just know we will all get through this together. We just need to stick together and support and encourage one another!